My Un-ladylike Chronicles- Part 2

All I am is a mess. Sometimes I choose to not do my eyebrows or wax my arms or leg and let that hair grow in all its glory. And sometimes it isn’t even a choice, it’s just my state of being; unkempt, messy but yet that’s when I’m my happiest. But the thing is I like looking good, hair combed and skin smooth and basically I love “killing it” but it kind of discourages me to do so when I’m told to do so.

There is no better way to say it; considering how societal pressure requires us to look a certain way. Slim, but not too skinny. Healthy, but damn you got to work on those rolls. Hey why you got that mustache? Are you sure you don’t want to get waxed? That dress is short you know.

No salon lady, I don’t want you inflicting more pain on me.

And why do you confine into these expectations? Because we are average humans who want to fit in. And girls have been raised to obey and execute whether it makes sense to them or not. Sure, I realize that being a well behaved, beautiful and poised woman isn’t all that bad, but the consequences of these generation long habits and ways are very obvious. We prey on social media looking for bench marks and boundaries we can fit in, not consciously but we are always looking for trends to follow, to compare ourselves with and to judge ourselves into believing that our confidence comes from how we look.

It comes from how you feel.

I might be wrong, but I got to say nobody is encouraged to be strong, non-confirmative and smart. Because then you are labelled as stuck up. Honestly that’s better than being easy. It’s sad how we have been taught to grow up and behave for the pleasure of men or our families. But never told that you have to “look good” for yourself or get educated for yourself.

This is where feminism comes into picture.

It is an encouragement for woman and men to be equal. For everyone, mothers, fathers, everyone to believe that each of us are as equal as another. Except it deeply concerns me it is creating the wrong role models. Lashing out of social media because a dude expressed his opinion isn’t feminism. Criticizing companies and brands for advertising a certain body image isn’t feminism, while you still use their products. Feminism isn’t totally shutting out public opinion, which could be constructive, and shaming everything and everyone as being anti-feminist or woman or woman rights. Just no.

No.

Feminism is actually going out; working. Efforts. Realizing that to be equal you cannot rely on the structures that protect woman and provide exclusive treatment. Geez it means going out in the real world and proving your worth, showing your capabilities and standing up for what you truly believe, and not sitting at home and firing away on social media. And it’s not about the right to wear anything you want. That’s not about it.

Social media is just ONE medium of spreading the true essence of the concept. Definitely use it, but that shouldn’t be your only contribution.

And to be honest I realize that the issues of body image affect men too. Especially now when women have become so picky and want a whole package which includes those shiny abs and arms. And to be honest, even though we know most guys out there are better than shiny Joe here, we still wants Shiny Joe to like us.

It’s an endless loop of stupidity.

I think we should realize is that how we feel is in sync with what others think of us. We would probably not have problem with our cellulite or not so flat stomachs if nobody told us it is not very attractive. Hell nah! That is attractive if you don’t mind it. Love that fat, it’s always been there for you. We would not have a problem with how we look or bodies, probably only if we were told it doesn’t matter; what matters is what’s in your mind, your principles and idea. But guess who believes that anymore?

Nobody.

So if tomorrow if I am without eyeliner, a pimple or looking more bloated than usual, don’t hesitate to ask me about it, because of course it should matter to others what I look like.

I feel good.

Few words: Yesterday Ashley Graham was trolled for looking too thin in one of her Instagram posts. HELL what? first she is too fat and then too thin. wow.

India's story of patience.

There is no story. Indians don’t know the meaning of patience. What is patience you ask us? Waiting for atleast 2 people to checkout before cutting a line. What is patience? Forcing your car between 2 others perpendicular to the whole traffic, within 2 minutes of the signal turning red. What is patience? Rushing into decisions that have a downward effect on the whole nation.

Don’t ever ask us what patience means. We have never known the meaning.

It is a universal problem, however seems to be more concentrated on us. God seemed to have forgotten to give us this virtue. May be we are not one of the worse cases out there, but we aren’t the most saintly ones either. As much caring one is, there is no patience unless it concerns each one of us. The traffic jams would probably be less of a puzzle if we learnt what the white lines on the road mean, how lane discipline works. Stampedes, deaths and accidents wouldn’t be such a bad problem if instead of panic, patience and rationality crept into our minds, and instead of making a situation worse, there could be a rainbow of solution shining above our head.

But no wait! Let’s just all rush into a store like bulls and throw stuff off the racks after seeing them and not finding them pleasing. Because patience.

Well this outburst comes from the accumulated personal experiences which, I’m sure we all can relate to. The important underlying truth behind this behavior that we have been overlooking is a selfish motive. We all do things because apparently it will help us meet an individual desire, but what we forget is that we aren’t alone in this world. Nor are we as individual in the center of it. It is ironic how everyone is capable about advices about patience and etiquettes but no one in the right situation remembers their own advice. Better said than done right?

If we did think about the effect of our behavior on others, then we would be benefitted ourselves. People would be more forgiving, foregoing and kinder. Rushing to make money in a faster way will only reproduce more hungry mouths, more tattered homes and more broken families. On an even larger level religion would not be the excuse for our anxious restless minds, and the real meaning of patriotism would still be intact.

Less soldiers would be rushed off to war, if countries would negotiate patiently. Laws wouldn’t have to be ENFORCED on people since everyone would understand it better. There would be more agreement and solutions then a worsening economy.

Well like Aristotle famously said, patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. But sweet fruits haven’t ripened yet. They won’t till us as individuals take steps to improvement. Because urging no longer works. Actions speak louder and inspiration is the weapon to get results. India needs results now, leading as a nation should be our aim not individual motives. We have dug our own graves and this our own fault.

Something needs to be done. We all are running out of patience.

Few words: Eid Mubarakh. :) 

Values: are they still the same?

Let’s me take this new start of the year to put my foot down.

 We Indian teenagers have been bullied enough for years so far not by humans but the “values” or “Sanskar” that our parents are apparently trying to instill into us. It would be sad to go on and declare all these values are wrong and completely irrational but just because values as a word shines in pride, the very habits that fall under the category don’t necessarily bring out the gleam of acceptance and discipline in all of us.

What are values? (The real definition sourced from sensible ancestors and some good piece of writings, and bad experience)

Values are ETHICAL habits and norms taught to us that allow us to behave civil and with humility. With the ability to understand the difference between right and wrong, these lessons teach us to live a humane lifestyle with peace and direct us in a decorum way of living to be a successful good kind human being. They are supposedly unaffected by extreme mindsets of the CURRENT generations and even the PREVIOUS generations and rather fall in the middle of the band with the extremes of right and wrong and in a way determine how ethical an human being is.

What are values? (The unrealized new definition changed over time by the pressures of society and problem “what will my neighbor think”)

Values are now a way of living. The norms that were supposed to be used to direct our life now control our every action. The part of determinism of a person’s nature by values remained in the new definition too, but that will project an extremely unfair conclusion since the rules; in fact the whole category has changed from right and wrong to socially acceptable and arousing aggregative consequences, with most of the time no rational explanation. It does not make us better people anymore, but makes us frustrated beings behaving in ways that people around them will prefer and not look at with disgust and shame in their eyes rather than being ethical.

It is difficult to be objective while writing this article, but this topic is meant to be influenced by opinions of an individual. Yet none of you will deny agreeing with me. Values aren’t made by god, religion or “dharam” but are brain children of human understanding of civil and monstrous behavior. Sadly, we have forgotten what real values are. For example, a person who helps another in a time of a car accident will be named “heroic” while all others crowd around like muted dolls, but the very same person will be dismissed and shamed by the very same crowd for not visiting the temple as regularly, or called the black sheep for staying out too late or wearing certain clothes by own choice.

Well, did values teach us to shame people in this way? To disrespect someone’s feelings which are completely human because they are gay, transgender or believe in religion and concepts different than most people? Because from where I stand right now, I can see people threatened by things that question the validity of norms that have been passed on through years but NEVER questioned. Because the people who did have the courage to raise a voice are killed, raped, jailed or at a lower level swatted away as being inexperienced and wrongly raised.

A reporter publicly raped for questioning irrational killing of people in name of god, young children killed as retaliation to show the “feelings” of others are ironic examples of values that are being passed on to us. How funny is it that the reason for a girl’s rape is because she didn’t have “sanskar” because she was wearing shorts or roaming at night or she didn’t call the rapist “bhaiya” when he tried to molest her? But yet, nobody questions the morals of the boy for even looking at any women that way. May be his society forgot to tell him that raping doesn’t fall under values.

Coming to the challenges we face as teenagers today are categorized as the struggles any normal teenager faces thus not much attention is paid to them since they are part of the ‘behavior of their age’. As the psychology of people has changed, we teenagers have demanded more respect and understanding. We refuse to follow rules blindly, because the loopholes and restrictions are obvious to us and that’s why “todays generations has no values” is heard oh so often.

Why does everyone fail to see that some norms should be revisited? A child doing well in academics and being well behaved in front of our eyes will be doing things behind everyone’s back which may be taboo because he was told a well behaved child in front of others is an ideal child. This understanding only makes us rebellious and discouraged and the constant pressure to be ideal makes the problem of drinking and drugs among youngsters worse. Nobody ever tells us to do what we want or believe is our opinions unless they are similar to what others think. And this is exactly because of which we seek out to break free from the constant nagging and the only way to do this is rebel to fight for what we feel.

A teen who stands up for himself when his parents raise their hands and voices making him feel insignificant is called ill-mannered and a “shame” to the family while this is the just a nature thing to do. The defensive mechanism has developed and the child has been damaged. Voicing opinions and feelings is interrupted the minute the family values are threatened and is immediately treated under lack of experience and immaturity.

We are made rebels by the inconsiderate society and conservative families. They rather hide the child’s feelings and thoughts under the reason of being “too young”, “immature” or because some distant aunt or uncle finds it interesting to gossip about. Thus it is safe to say, we are who we are because we were shaped this way. Values duh.

It might be difficult to change these inconsistencies in our society but “values” are taught at home and while they are being taught they need to be relearned too. Thus rather teach us to be rational rather than being socially correct. Yet again I might mention, values are not what people thinking is the right thing to do, but are the norms that keep us civil, empathic and loving.

Sadly these values are lost to the eroding “valid” ideals of society.

Why do we worship god?

Lets answer the question everyone fears to answers. (my first post for Indiblogger) 

We are children of our egos and indifference. Our ego doesn't allow us to believe that we are different from everyone else, that we are unique in our own way and being just like everyone else is lowly and not appreciable. Since it makes each one of us the same. Wanting the same things in our life.

In fact, we are the same.

And while we fail to agree with it openly, we do confess it unknowingly with only one entity that we entrust our trust on, completely. God is someone we turn to each time we are dismissed and sadden by the people of our own species.

Recently god has been dethroned from his designation not anyone else but us. We have forgotten he is a provider, creator and destroyer and even a watcher. Not a counselor.

Does that answers our questions why we worship god? We look for solace in the idea of his presence. Our right to talk to him freely in our temples and other places of worship provide a sense of belonging and peace when no one else bothers to listen. It is good to know that someone is out there in our whole wide universe who only listens when asked for rather than giving advice.

In this short post, I wish to mention that most of us worship for a selfish motive as progress.  Yes, pure devotees exist who worship for the love of god and religion. But we can’t deny the fact that when you pray to god, there is a little voice in the back of your head hoping progress and prosperity in every aspect of your life. It is not an accusation like it might seem, but the bare naked truth put in front of you.

When troubled, we look for peace in prayer. We even thank god for our progress. We look for solutions for our questions in our old books of prayer.

 Ultimately, we go back home where our soul finds familiarity.

This is a very small post I wished to write to answer this question. There is nothing we can do to change what happens with our lives. But worship makes us stronger for what we have to face. We can’t forget that only asking from god will bear no fruit. But actually working towards our goals will. Worship is motivation but not the only way you can get success.

But this rises another question, are we that selfish that we only turn to god when we are in need?

Most of us do. How much ever we try to convince our self that we do it only for peace, peace to the soul is also an act of self-indulgence. Since it doesn’t cause harm to someone else, it’s acceptable by our society. Making it our right, we forget that worship even includes wishful thinking for people we love and not only ourselves. God can only give you so much and how much ever you pray, it will only give you strength and positivity (which is very much needed) but not eliminate your troubles all together form your present or future. Even got needs to know that his creation is capable.

The Sad fact about prejudice

Prejudice are what fools use for reason to be excused for their ignorance. Even more, prejudice is also the child of ignorance and the limitation to an open mind. While many of us commit daily acts of bias, we fail to realize the presence of the sleath monster of prejudice lurking in the dark shadows of human nature.

The human mind enjoys judging other people and takes pleasure in the act of comparison of traits, looks and material possessions. While the drug of self-righteousness makes one high, our vision blurs to the sight of what someone truly is.

We fail to understand that a person is not a creation of our judgment but an entity made of his own character.

Prejudice, as I like to see it is a weapon. A tool. A tool which we usually use to make ourselves feel better by creating opinion about a person without interacting with them. While it’s a silent action, when performed aloud can create a huge deep scar to someone is certain circumstances. 

 Every pretty girl on Instagram with perfect hair, nails, skin and body is not a slut. She might as well be the one of the most faithful girl and every tough looking biker seen as rude and harmful might be a kind and understanding father. Every ugly looking guy is not a criminal and sometimes every good looking person is not a modest being. Your looks and worldly obsessions will matter the least when their ugly personality is visible as their tongue drips with discrimination and prejudice with every comment made and every opinion spoken.

 The sad fact about prejudice is probably this that it is a problem as important as global warming, inflation or rape but is treated as a problem which is as small as an accident on a global scale. Bias is a quality of one’s opinion and thought process, but the expression of this view can break million hearts and can make one doubt about their own ability. It is not a simple problem as it seems. It is easy to laugh off at a girl who probably scores well making a joke of her being nerdy or squirming your nose at a girl who walks around with her straight hair, piercings and tattoos and calling these people taboo is our oh so perfect society.

If the characteristic of our society is inconclusive then how can we put a finger on an aspect claiming it as normal and dismissing something that is not? While society is just a child of our opinions and thoughts, prejudice is toy of satisfaction of this child. While our society sets boundaries to being normal, anything outside those monstrous lines is considered taboo, inappropriate, stupid, slutty or dumb without any real reason or logic behind the classification

What seems worse is the fact that this system gives a free pass to those that don’t deserve to be appreciated because their wrong deeds, judgments and filthy actions are hidden by their charity, charming smile and sugar coated words. While honest mouths are mean and unappreciated, lying mouth with good words are welcomed and cherished.

But… if we make our society, are we as bad? Are we completely unaware of these short comings or are we simply oblivious?

 While prejudice only seems to be an opinion, it is a sad act indicating the shortcomings of human nature that can successfully be avoided but instead is cherished only through that simple act of indulging ignorance.