My Un-ladylike Chronicles- Part 2

All I am is a mess. Sometimes I choose to not do my eyebrows or wax my arms or leg and let that hair grow in all its glory. And sometimes it isn’t even a choice, it’s just my state of being; unkempt, messy but yet that’s when I’m my happiest. But the thing is I like looking good, hair combed and skin smooth and basically I love “killing it” but it kind of discourages me to do so when I’m told to do so.

There is no better way to say it; considering how societal pressure requires us to look a certain way. Slim, but not too skinny. Healthy, but damn you got to work on those rolls. Hey why you got that mustache? Are you sure you don’t want to get waxed? That dress is short you know.

No salon lady, I don’t want you inflicting more pain on me.

And why do you confine into these expectations? Because we are average humans who want to fit in. And girls have been raised to obey and execute whether it makes sense to them or not. Sure, I realize that being a well behaved, beautiful and poised woman isn’t all that bad, but the consequences of these generation long habits and ways are very obvious. We prey on social media looking for bench marks and boundaries we can fit in, not consciously but we are always looking for trends to follow, to compare ourselves with and to judge ourselves into believing that our confidence comes from how we look.

It comes from how you feel.

I might be wrong, but I got to say nobody is encouraged to be strong, non-confirmative and smart. Because then you are labelled as stuck up. Honestly that’s better than being easy. It’s sad how we have been taught to grow up and behave for the pleasure of men or our families. But never told that you have to “look good” for yourself or get educated for yourself.

This is where feminism comes into picture.

It is an encouragement for woman and men to be equal. For everyone, mothers, fathers, everyone to believe that each of us are as equal as another. Except it deeply concerns me it is creating the wrong role models. Lashing out of social media because a dude expressed his opinion isn’t feminism. Criticizing companies and brands for advertising a certain body image isn’t feminism, while you still use their products. Feminism isn’t totally shutting out public opinion, which could be constructive, and shaming everything and everyone as being anti-feminist or woman or woman rights. Just no.

No.

Feminism is actually going out; working. Efforts. Realizing that to be equal you cannot rely on the structures that protect woman and provide exclusive treatment. Geez it means going out in the real world and proving your worth, showing your capabilities and standing up for what you truly believe, and not sitting at home and firing away on social media. And it’s not about the right to wear anything you want. That’s not about it.

Social media is just ONE medium of spreading the true essence of the concept. Definitely use it, but that shouldn’t be your only contribution.

And to be honest I realize that the issues of body image affect men too. Especially now when women have become so picky and want a whole package which includes those shiny abs and arms. And to be honest, even though we know most guys out there are better than shiny Joe here, we still wants Shiny Joe to like us.

It’s an endless loop of stupidity.

I think we should realize is that how we feel is in sync with what others think of us. We would probably not have problem with our cellulite or not so flat stomachs if nobody told us it is not very attractive. Hell nah! That is attractive if you don’t mind it. Love that fat, it’s always been there for you. We would not have a problem with how we look or bodies, probably only if we were told it doesn’t matter; what matters is what’s in your mind, your principles and idea. But guess who believes that anymore?

Nobody.

So if tomorrow if I am without eyeliner, a pimple or looking more bloated than usual, don’t hesitate to ask me about it, because of course it should matter to others what I look like.

I feel good.

Few words: Yesterday Ashley Graham was trolled for looking too thin in one of her Instagram posts. HELL what? first she is too fat and then too thin. wow.

My Un-ladylike Chronicles. PART 1.

I have been not posting on my blog for a while now and it’s shameful for I feel brain dead. I can’t come up with ideas and I feel like I have betrayed the few readers I have.

Thus I will try to keep up now. I promise to myself and you all yeah?

NOW getting to the point. I will be writing a 3 part series, calling out to all the women and girls in this world to join me in my long rant, because suddenly the tiny feminist and a big argumental side of me chooses to be ruthless. This was supposedly only a small topic in my head, but while I write this, I can see the scope of this topic!

So here we go,

BOYS. MEN. MALE SPECIES.

Sorry mother, I have to be un-ladylike and write this but I promise I will try to be as subtle as possible.

Or not.

I know how my mother is concerned about me never getting a guy, of course she says this deriving facts from my past experiences but guess what, I don’t want one. I don’t need someone to complete me because young Indian girls can survive anywhere without a “good” boy, “good” family and “good” house. Just by the way, I saw him walking out with two girls from a shady dance bar.

“Good” boy.

None of us need a hypocritical dominating man to tell us what to do because in this ever changing society, many women are educated and understand the difference between been a good dedicated wife and being a borderline maid. I think it’s time for men to realize that if you want a nice educated “sikhi hui ladki” you have to let her use her education to go out a work and probably even teach you a thing or two.

And oh it’s on.

Okay just because I don’t agree with a guy’s opinion and can enforce mine, does that make me bossy? Well, that’s not constructive criticism. Don’t use that word for it is not a negative reinforcement. And “what you doing tonight?” isn’t the only question I can answer. Ask me about the stocks, ask me about politics, but don’t even dare ask me can I cook. Mind you my chapati is round as fuck.

I know guys try, they do try to not be sexist, but it just happens, it’s in build. Mummy daddy ne sanskar sikhaye, but you still look at us like we are objects and we look at you as humans. Sometimes, may be, just a suggestion, instead of laughing at my opinion, make a constructive counter argument. J

And even after we choose to date/marry the guys, we fail, fail to show what exactly normal human behavior is. Why do men have to be so clueless about everything? Why can’t one understand that a no means a no and you don’t have to convince me because m not trying to get attention or be hard. 

NO.

Trust me am not as angry as I sound, but I feel like this is the only way to express how annoying it is to be labelled needy, weak and emotional all the time while the dude is the one with his endless jealously, and the need to be given everything in his hand while he doesn’t budge an inch from his favorite sofa spot. And oh my god what’s the deal with not understand what the argument is about? Hello, I typed a 500 words essay for you, are you still going to talk to her?

And dating you or marrying you doesn’t give you any sort of consent. It’s not a yes to treat us however one wants. We don’t “belong” to you for taking us for granted.

And to be honest I get how difficult girls can be too. We can be moody we can be annoying. We are stubborn. Unreasonable too and we overthink. But maybe if the world wasn’t so innately partial we wouldn’t be fighting internally and externally to make our place in the world. And if that transcends as unfair behavior to guys, I’m sorry it’s not totally our fault.

But I know this is like talking to a pigeon. It’s going to shit all over me and walk away like it won.

Few words: NO hard feelings men. I don’t truly hate all of you. Except….ugh.

3 more to go!! Stay TUNED.