Each life, our life, gives us a puzzle
A puzzle, when solved, would show a big picture
A picture, a photograph, the negative lays in our hands
To be developed into an album,
An album starting with a squalling start
And lasting till a crippling end.
An end, with no middle.
A middle which was a haze, which none of us will remember, you wouldn’t remember.
Remember, unless it’s a shining start resting amidst the tangle of thoughts.
Thoughts. Broken thoughts. Sad. Happy. Fond. Thoughts. Memories. Forgetful. Thoughts.
What was I thinking?
The very idea of forgetting frightens me.
When…when I will stop in the middle of the sentence and ask “what was I saying?” Or when I will stop in my tracks trying to remember what I was supposed to do. When I will forget the contour of your face. When the items in my room would just be artefacts of a sordid past which to me, an onlooker, would mean nothing.
Remember that map? The one on my wall. I mark it every day, trying to remember countries and their capitals. I laugh when each day I cringe trying to remember the capital of Madagascar. Because it’s a funny tricky word. I think it is Antananarivo.
I think so.
Soon I will start speaking so fast that each sentence will bleed into the next, each word will be reaching out to the next in the fear of losing it. Emotions will roll into each other, creating this void where I will be unable to tell you what I wanted to. Where I will know that I’m better off believing that the moment is lost, for I don’t want to feel bad about another memory lost.
I need to complete my puzzle. I want to see the picture and remember what it felt like when I was developing it. Standing in that small red room. Even…even if I can’t, I will figure out where to frame and hang it up and mark each moment, just like I do with my map. That way it will become a treasure map, with a chest which I open each night and relive.
But first, I really can’t remember… I can’t remember…
Do you remember where I kept the last puzzle piece?
Writers Note: I M SO HAPPY to be able to write again and blog. I guess my 3 month writers block is gone! :)