My puzzles, pictures and marked maps.

Each life, our life, gives us a puzzle

A puzzle, when solved, would show a big picture

A picture, a photograph, the negative lays in our hands

To be developed into an album,

An album starting with a squalling start

And lasting till a crippling end.

An end, with no middle.

A middle which was a haze, which none of us will remember, you wouldn’t remember.

Remember, unless it’s a shining start resting amidst the tangle of thoughts.

Thoughts. Broken thoughts. Sad. Happy. Fond. Thoughts. Memories. Forgetful. Thoughts.

What was I thinking?

The very idea of forgetting frightens me.

When…when I will stop in the middle of the sentence and ask “what was I saying?” Or when I will stop in my tracks trying to remember what I was supposed to do. When I will forget the contour of your face. When the items in my room would just be artefacts of a sordid past which to me, an onlooker, would mean nothing.

Remember that map? The one on my wall. I mark it every day, trying to remember countries and their capitals. I laugh when each day I cringe trying to remember the capital of Madagascar. Because it’s a funny tricky word. I think it is Antananarivo.

I think so.

Soon I will start speaking so fast that each sentence will bleed into the next, each word will be reaching out to the next in the fear of losing it. Emotions will roll into each other, creating this void where I will be unable to tell you what I wanted to. Where I will know that I’m better off believing that the moment is lost, for I don’t want to feel bad about another memory lost.

I need to complete my puzzle. I want to see the picture and remember what it felt like when I was developing it. Standing in that small red room. Even…even if I can’t, I will figure out where to frame and hang it up and mark each moment, just like I do with my map. That way it will become a treasure map, with a chest which I open each night and relive.

But first, I really can’t remember… I can’t remember…

Do you remember where I kept the last puzzle piece?

Writers Note: I M SO HAPPY to be able to write again and blog. I guess my 3 month writers block is gone! :)

Important things a teenager learns.

Around the corner, awaits my 18^th birthday and guess what? I am not ready to be a legal adult yet.

Oh my god! There are so many choices to be made, responsibilities to be assumed and in process a personality to be developed that is absolutely the first step to the dream that is to be achieved. The funny thing is, as much real experience you are going to be bestowed with after crossing that magic number, the journey into your adulthood is guided by your past experiences themselves.

Our experiences from our gullible teenage years wouldn’t seem so helpful; but it was the time when we grew the most and believe me or not I learnt some really important things that I think are worth sharing.

1.       You will be going through various phases in which different music, movies and hobbies would be discovered. Ha! Don’t be let down by your adults calling you inconclusive or continuously chanting “it’s just a phase”. Well hell yeah it’s just a phase. We are finding great things and each time we change our choice, we are learning things about ourselves that we have never learnt before. So go out. Be fickle. You will learn to forgive yourself for those horrible tastes too!

2.       You may not meet ‘the one’ just as fast as your friends claim to do. You might be single all your life *ahem* wondering whether you are meant to die alone. But hey, it’s not your fault you like poetry and want someone who doesn’t think you are crazy. Rather wait than go around dating people who break your heart. Besides you are just 17 with around forever to go. Chill. There are more important dreams and things we got to achieve eh.

3.       Even sitting and staring at the wall might seem appealing some time. You are going to be tired and lazy sometimes, sometimes all the time, and just not doing anything may literally be the best thing in the world. THIS IS THE BEST TIME to watch horror films, lounge around and have time to reflect and ponder. You might realize that ‘you’ and yourself are completely different people.

4.       I learnt to judge character pretty well. That is not the same as judging someone. It’s not the same as being biased and having prejudice. Judging character is a great lesson when it comes to trust and communication. While it protects you from hurt or heartbreak, judging a person deprives you of those amazing opportunities you might have had to meet a great person and learn and inspire from them. So I would rather talk to everybody no matter what others say.

5.       DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF. Stop being completely critical. You aren’t superhuman yet. Infact, allow a room for failure.

6.       We don’t need useless drama in our lives. Delete all toxic relationships. They aren’t worth it.

7.       FOOD! Eat all of it! Try it all! Try it all while you are fearless. I tried sushi and oh my god it’s now my pet love. Same goes for almost all experiences, say yes to everything. (Exceptions, of course) you never know what beautiful experience you might have.

8.       Love your body. Whether you are a girl or a boy. Not all of us have amazing metabolisms or flawless skins and shiny hair that falls in cresses. But it’s okay, our scars are skin stars and your curves and body is your temple to cherish and love. Don’t let those judgmental...people... tell you who you are. Meh who cares anyway.

9.       Kindness. Being kind reaps the most happiness. You don’t need to be a philanthropist to show how much you care but small acts or gestures are enough to change someone’s life and yours too. And really, you need to start with your friends and family first.

10.   I was afraid of change, too set in my own ways. But recently I realized nothing grows in the comfort zone. I would rather voice my opinions and be unapologetically myself than regret the things I never said or did. Time anyway doesn’t run backwards.

11.   Parents might get annoying as hell. Even grandparents. But when they leave you, you miss their banter and even their taunts. Anyway, it’s difficult to stay mad at them for too long. (I love my mom’s cooking too much). Thus! Love them and tell them so. You would rather do it now than have what ifs in your life later.

12.   I might sound weird but being a teenager means learning to have integrity and discipline too. Class doesn’t come when you earn and become a rich person, but it comes through character and behavior. When is the best time to develop it than now?

13.   It’s fun making before and after pictures.

14.   Social media isn’t everything. It’s the most antisocial thing I have known.

15.   Learn to take criticism well. It’s a gift too. Some people are just critical but some are merely stating what they see.

16.   Enjoy every minute of this time. Eventually you will know what true happiness is. Hang in there. Giving up will take away all the great chances.

This list is by no means exhaustive. But hey, sleep is important. Anyway. These are my learnings, all our experiences would be different. But wherever you are its important to know there will be very few real people who will have genuine concern for you. Thus love, live and let live. And wish me luck for my soon to be found adult hood.

Ps: I am scared.

Writers note: It’s more than a year or two since I have this blog and I’m glad m reaching out to many people now. In US, Germany, Dubai, Singapore and more. IT EXCITES ME REALLY! I’m grateful for all the time you take out to read my work. Thank you for your genuine comments and opinions. Please continue to find and express yourself here, it keeps me going! J